midnight movies

i've got things to tell you,
things to talk about
that only you could understand
right now.
but i have an itchy feeling round my neck
that says you don't want to hear.

and i open my hotmail-
but i can't.
i just can't.
because i can't stand
knowing what you'll think
when you open it.

will you look at the sender
and laugh?
and leave it unopened for days
until you read it,
snorting derisively,
with some other girl standing
behind your shoulder?
never paying any attention
to my jokes
or sarcastic comments?

i'm afraid you will.

and then, probably,
you will go onto your blog
and post about how lonely
you are.
and doubtless
i will feel bad.

i cut something out of the paper
for you
today. will
i ever show you?

oh you've made me so
mad now
that i can't even listen
to music
which you know,
so i'm stuck listening
to The Subways
of all people

who i don't even like.